Michelle Elman

Author | Speaker | Life Coach

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@scarrednotscared on IG

First event since the pandemic and it couldn’t h

First event since the pandemic and it couldn’t have been more amazing! I was crying by the middle and sobbing by the end.

It’s such a wonderful movie and just as good as the theatre show and of course, it’s endlessly important in making people feel represented and making sure people can see their story on screen. If you can’t see yourself in media, it’s really easy to feel invisible and that you don’t matter and NO ONE deserves to feel that way

And yes, this happened on Monday I can’t subscribe to the urgency of social media. You get delayed content on this page cause this woman gets home after social interaction and gets into bed instead of curating photos and creating captions.

Thank you so much to @ditchthelabel for the invite! Thank you to my hot date @honeykinny and thanks for a wonderful event @primevideouk @jamiemovie

The dress is from @manonbaptistestudio , I got it for my first “Am I Ugly?” event and I’ve only worn it once so pulled it out for another outing. This is why I keep my clothes forever 😂

Wake Up Call: Rest Edition Tap to see tagged sour

Wake Up Call: Rest Edition

Tap to see tagged sources

Whenever we talk about trauma, we always talk abou

Whenever we talk about trauma, we always talk about the heavy stuff and the “negative” side of it, we rarely talk about how it affects our ability to perceive joy, fun and happiness.

For me, my trauma meant I found it hard to enjoy things because I thought being happy meant something bad would follow.
I didn’t allow myself to have fun because I always needed to be “making the most of time”.
And I always felt guilty around joy because I survived yet so many others didn’t.

How I started relearning this was by taking moments out of my day and noticing joy even if it only lasted 2 seconds.
And at first time it WAS only 2 seconds but I would stop and notice it so it could last a few seconds more and over time I could hold space for joy for a whole 5 minutes.
I actively created time for fun.
You have heard me talk before about getting a hobby you are shit at.
Painting was it for me but painting taught me to stop treating time as such a scarcity and it didn’t need to be productive time to be important.
And finally I stopped guarding my love and instead freely give it, even if it’s not received well, even if I get hurt and even if people think I’m weird.
It’s moments like when I walk into the dentist after 6 months and saying “I missed you” or turning to a stranger and saying “you know what I love about you?” simply because I noticed something great about them and I want to be sure they notice it too.

Its small things but even if you are in the depths of the lowest point in your life, I now hold on to these things. So find joy for 2 seconds today.
It can be you petting a dog, the first two seconds of the day when you don’t remember your problems or a song playing in a store and you remembering a wild night out.
Whatever it is, notice it, find the joy in your body, breathe it in and tell yourself “I deserve to experience joy”.
Write down every moment of joy you had today and do it for the next week.
I promise you it will help.
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📷: @amyelsw

Devil’s advocates have bad boundaries. They beli

Devil’s advocates have bad boundaries.
They believe they are being superior but actually they just bait you into wasting your time and energy under the guise of a “debate” without saying their opinion with their full chest because it’s “hypothetical”. Hypothetically, the devil doesn’t need advocates.

I had this done to me the other day at a party by a ‘friend’ who I hadn’t seen since before the pandemic and read my book. Note: I didn’t ask him to read my book and I also didn’t ask for his opinion on it. I don’t ask any of my friends to read my book, I don’t get offended if they don’t and also don’t ask their opinions if they do.

Here are boundaries in action:
“I don’t agree with a lot of the things you said”
“Cool.”
“Don’t you want to know why?”
“Not particularly. You are allowed to have your opinion and I’m not that invested in changing your opinion.”
“Don’t you think you should be able to justify your points?”
“It’s not the fact I can’t justify myself, it’s the fact that I don’t want to.”
“Because you can’t?”
“No, because I spent the whole day explaining, justifying and defending my points of view on radio interviews and right now, I’m not working, I’m at a party”

Previously I would have cared. I would have worked myself into a knot wanting them to change their opinion. But ultimately, I have healed and grown. I don’t need you to understand me. I consider myself a fairly eloquent person and if you don’t understand me, it’s not because I’m not making sense, it’s because you don’t want to understand me.

Also the absurdity of thinking in 6 months of interviews, not a single person challenged my point of view + therefore thinking it is your moral obligation to ensure I know that not everyone in the whole world agrees with me.

The reason why it’s bad boundaries is because it’s forcing a conversation that the other party doesn’t want to have. It’s also bad intellectual boundaries to feel like you need to agree on everything or change someone’s mind when they disagree.
Go debate my book on your time.
Go waste your own energy please, I’m going to enjoy this party.
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Dress @annascholz

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