When Friends Go Into Hospital

I’m shit when my friends go into hospital.
Ironic, right?!
Of all the people, I should be the best, the most understanding and the most empathetic.
Because of my experiences, I should be the go to person when you go into hospital right?! “Michelle gets it. She’ll be there”
Wrong. That’s exactly the reason I disappear.
And it’s shitty.
Because I remember how painful it was for me, when my friends disappeared.
But it’s not because I don’t care, it’s not because I have no empathy or understanding, it’s because it brings up so much of my own wounding.
It’s luck of the draw whether my trauma is brought up. I’ve been the person to pick up my friend when she had her wisdom teeth done, or go back and forth for a friend who had appendicitis… but I’ve also been the friend who went to a hospital to pick up a friend after an arm surgery, and went home to cry after because it was too much walking back into a hospital. It’s luck of the draw whether my trauma is brought up. And sometimes I’m not in the headspace where I feel safe enough to have my world rocked again.
It’s something I’m working on.
It’s why I still force myself to go to hospital when a friend needs to be picked up or wants me to visit.
So yes in comparison to some people, I’m shit when my friends go to hospital, but I’m better than I was before and I have to hold onto that.
I own my weaknesses. I own the areas that need work and through that, I grow. We can only change what we are aware of. We can only change by facing what rattles us and scares us. I’m working on my shit. Are you working on yours? 🔥