Never the Strongest. Never the Fastest. Never the Fittest.

February 8, 2017

I might not be the strongest.
I might not be the fastest.
I might not be the fittest.

But I’ve come the furthest.

I’ve been hospitalised more times than the average human and to say that I am filled with pride when I look at this picture is an understatement.

To go from bed-ridden, having my abs cut through repeatedly and having to start from scratch and relearn to walk to THIS ☝?️. Now THAT is what I see when I look at this.

Instead of worrying how heavy I am lifting or whether the person standing next to me is lifting heavier, I’m thinking about the times I just wanted to be able to sit up in bed.

Instead of berating myself over how slow I am going on the treadmill, I remember there was a time when walking was hard for me and I would keep trying to run, only for nurses to tell me off and warn me that I will fall over.

Instead of being disappointed that I’m not progressing as quickly as I like, I remember that there was a time I hated exercising so much, how everytime I tried to do anything active, I was compared to my peers and made to feel inferior.

Instead of worrying if I’m doing everything with perfect form or whether I’m doing it right, I remember that there was a time I was too scared to even try for fear of doing it wrong.

I’ve had to relearn how to walk twice in my life and it is excruciating so everytime I even step foot in a gym is an accomplishment to me.

So I’m not the fastest, fittest or strongest but that’s OK because I’m not comparing myself to anyone else anymore.

I refuse to do it.
I doesn’t do justice to what I’ve been through and how far I’ve come. #scarrednotscared